Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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