Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
