My friends, they love my intelligence
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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