how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
