update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They are going to name an STD after you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
