I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
