I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
