I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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