i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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