it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
