Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
