life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
