Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
