The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
