i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
