Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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