so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
