her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
