I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
