I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We just shotgunned beers for America
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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