If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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