sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
