While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
my poor anus
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
