Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
honey bunches of taint.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
