I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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