Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
