I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
