ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
