If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
