You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
