You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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