I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
