Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
