Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
