Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
