if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
