You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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