i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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