So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
