I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
