Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
