I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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