I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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