No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
