Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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