He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
