It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
