god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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