Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
True strength comes from lack of pants
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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