I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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