His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
