The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
